The football world was left reeling last night after the actions of Manchester City CEO Garry Cook meant that people involved with football overtook the likes of dictators, murderers and sex offenders to become top of The Haddocks “Worst People in the World” list.
Mr. Cook allegedly mocked Nedum Onuoha mother’s cancer in an e-mail meant for a colleague, which was accidently sent to the player’s mother. The Haddock’s “Worst People in the World” list works from indexing all the shitty things particular groups of people do and publishing the results.
Haddock “Worst People” analyst Steven Bravewater said, “It’s been a long time coming. For a while it was only the integrity, hard work and professionalism of Ryan Giggs that was keeping them away from the summit, but then of course the whole super injunction thing came out and Football people rocketed up the table. It was at that point we realized that literally everyone involved with the running and playing football are complete and utter shits. “
“Just look at FIFA. Literally everything they do is exploitative, corrupt and generally horrible. The worst thing is that they’re so goddamn blatant about it, yet no one else in football calls them on it because they are equally as exploitative, corrupt and generally horrible.”
“Then you’ve got the players, a fine example of why stupidity should not be rewarded so lavishly. Just because they can kick a ball does not mean they should get paid more in a week than GP’s earn in a year. It wouldn’t be so hard to swallow if they were humble about it, but they are universally moaning, arrogant, money grabbing shits that do absolutely nothing to endear themselves to anyone.”
A spokesman for the PFA told The Haddock last night, “We actually couldn’t give a damn about what you think. We’re all rich.”
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