Richard Littlejohn was admitted to hospital last night after he reportedly felt affectionate feelings towards “Muslims and lefties.”
The Daily Mail columnist, famous for being a bad tempered old bigot and for having the catchphrase “it’s political correctness gone mad”, allegedly said, “Good morning” and smiled at a Muslim family whilst walking in a park near his home in North London.
He was then spotted sitting next to a gay couple holding hands in a café near the park. His family raised the alarm after he made a compliment about a Guardian columnist after perusing a left behind copy of the paper in the same café.
Mr. Littlejohn is in a stable condition at North Middlesex University Hospital. His doctor told the congregated press that this sort of event was not totally uncommon. “Last May Day weekend a friend of mine had to go out on a house call to a very senior member of the BNP’s home after he laughed at a joke Eddie Murphy made in Beverly Hills Cop. He’d been out punting earlier in the day and the sun sparked a slight feeling of human compassion. Good weather mixed with time off and relaxation can cause even the iciest hearts to melt a little.”
“Don’t worry about Mr. Littlejohn though. The nurses are with him now, showing him pictures of children in hoodies spitting, gay men kissing, women wearing burqas and Tony Benn. He should be back to writing his vicious columns, which incite racial hatred, in no time.”
However, the editor of the Daily Mail, Paul Dacre, has questioned whether Mr. Littlejohn will still have the ability to write for the paper, “We only hire people who can really whip up our readers into a frenzy of fear, mistrust and loathing. I fear that if Richard’s heart does not cool down he will be unable to do this. That would be a real shame because no one is as angry, fear mongering, ignorant, and downright disgusting as him. I mean really disgusting. He even makes me feel a bit sick sometimes.”
There were no friends or well-wishers at Mr. Littlejohn’s bedside.
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