A local man was the subject of ridicule from peers and work colleagues last night after he allegedly claimed to believe Osama Bin Laden was actually dead. Tom Cahoot, from Maidestone, has seemingly taken President Obama’s confirmation about the death of the Al-Qaeda leader as “fact”, causing friends to question his sanity.
“What an absolute idiot,” said tweeter Kevin4Esther, mirroring thousands of others upon hearing the news, “where’s the proof? This is 9/11 all over again.” Mr. Cahoot’s colleague Robin Sanford told the press “I actually feel a little sorry for Tim Cahoot. How can anyone be so naive to actually believe the President of the United States, David Cameron, The President of Pakistan and pretty much every other leader in the civilized world? They’re all so crooked.”
But Mr. Cahoot remained defiant last night. In an open statement to the people of the world he wrote, “look at it this way, if he wasn’t really dead wouldn’t Al-Qaeda have released a statement denying all reports? Better still, would Bin Laden himself not have made a videotape to show the world that he is still alive? And considering he has not made a videotape for over 2 years and that he has been seriously ill and on a dialysis machine for more than four years suggest that even if they did show a body, the man would be borderline unrecognizable. And if there was a firefight and Bin Laden was killed, wouldn’t that suggest that his body would have many bullet holes and that this would make him even more unrecognizable? And who wants to see a dead body anyway? Does no one actually want him dead? I’m pretty confused.”
Since Bin Laden’s apparent demise Twitter and Facebook has been awash with skeptical posts, with an estimated 98% of users referring to some sort of conspiracy, as opposed to joy that one of the most evil men who has ever lived was dead.
Mr. Cahoot signed off his stamen by saying, “I, for one, am glad he’s gone. Maybe the relatives of the 3,000+ killed on 9/11 can move on now this murderer has been apprehended.”
Tom Cahoot is a cashier at Lidl.
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